My Goodness

I am not infatuated with the past. I'm not eager to learn about the failures of our society.  World news doesn't hold my interest.  Much like my youngest daughter's indifference to time,  my attitude towards politics and government is laissez faire.  However, if I am, as CNN host, Anderson Cooper, proclaims, "Keeping *ME* honest, " I find myself more and more concerned with the future of our world and how TODAY impacts it.

Last evening, we watched the "X-Men: Days of the Future Past" and the 80s classic, "Fatal Attraction." The themes of these movies seemed to resonate with this idea I've been having that we as a society have a God complex.  We want to be all knowing,  all powerful and all helpful to the ills of humanity.  We want an utopian world amidst poverty, racial and religious tensions, pandemic sickness and so on. We want to fix things and people and places. We want a guarantee on life, that outside of God's grace is promised to no one. We at times imagine ourselves as kinder, gentler, more merciful and loving than God. Certainly, more wise and capable than He, at solving the complex matters of our own hearts and minds. But, in reality, all we want is control.

The X-Men film forecast this idea of exceptional people being categorized as a threat because they could not be controlled.  And so, humans without the exceptional behavior or difference feared what they could not control. Fatal Attraction, a cult classic,  drew men and women into the bedroom with Dan (Micheal Douglas) and Alex (Glenn Close). Admist the passion of their adultery, pot flinging and rising steam, there was a theme that the director consistently marked out for us that screamed, "Pay Attention! You can't take fire into your bosom and not get burned.  Respect the fire because you can't control it."

This idea that we can control anything is a fable.  Preparedness doesn't keep disaster away. Education doesn't prevent cancer. Knowledge doesn't control evil. You cannot legislate morality. So what do we do? How do we change our behavior? How do we change the course of our society's inevitable doom?

There's a saying, "Confidence is silent. Insecurities are loud." For much of our society, our fears are like ornaments. We wear them with such pride. We adorn ourselves with fears we've adopted from our forefathers and ancestors. We parade them as marks of success, calling them high standards, preparedness and writs of passage.  I studied here.  I made my mark there. I prepared myself.  I can thus control yours and my own destinies. But the fear, is I am not prepared. I do not know anything.  I have no future. I will die and know nothing of all I accomplished in this place. I will leave this earth and nothing I have done in the here and now will have mattered. The fear of death and its irrevocable nothingness. That's the fear that must be addressed because without it we continue to mask away the truth. Death is inevitable. We are young and then we are old. Our attempts at prolonging life; or at least the appearance of prolonged life is evidenced in the increasingly successful cosmetic and pharmaceutical markets. Botox anyone? Viagra sir? Ah, the ever illusive fountain of youth.

Are we more kind than God? "Yes, He may want to destroy us all but we want to live," is how must people imagine Him. Truth is, we are not more kind than He. He cannot be outdone.  His mercies are NEW every morning,  while we hold on to past ( and imagined) offenses for years! We cannot help anyone without the help of Him. We cannot do greater deeds than He has done for us. We cannot see if He does not give us sight beyond where we are. Godly preparedness,  doesn't prepare for disaster. It readies itself for victory.  It sees the storm coming and sees it's end. It is unafraid.  It is  as Isaiah 30:15 declares, "In repentance and rest is your salvation, and in quietness and trust is your strength."

My goodness pales, like white doggie poo, in comparison to God's goodness.  He doesn't seek to control me, though He could. But He gives me the freedom and the liberty to walk on my own, to feel,  taste, touch and smell the world around me; and His only requirement is that I allow Him to be God to me. If I don't it doesn't change His God status or nature, He is still God. But if I accept, it changes my everything. My whole world becomes an endless chain of events that leads to eternal life. Wow.  Big wow!

I am fearless about my future not because I'm blind to it, on the contrary I see through it. This morning as I prayed, I was able to reflect on where I had been.  How deep my sorrow was and how great a divide my past is from my present.  I praised God for His mercy, Unfailing Love and grace towards me. And I thanked Him for my future. By God's grace, I am not bound by fear. I see beyond. My concern lies with those who are so full of fears that they cannot see past today. Worry grabs hold of them in the night, strangling them until the sun rises again. My commitment to God today, is to tell you how deeply loved you are. It doesnt matter what you did or who you are. You are loved with a perfect and unconditional love. You can live an abundantly full life that last eternally through the person of Jesus Christ. your relationship with the living God isn't about Him controlling you but you having control over YOU. We project so much of our desire to control on external matters but rarely have control over our own internal workings.  Few of us, have mastered control of our thoughts, actions and speech. As the Apostle Paul would agree, What we will to do we do not do; and what we will not to do, is what we do with regularity. It is God's desire to empower us by His grace to do those things that we desire to do that please Him, not because it will make Him love us more but because OUR lives will be all the better for it. I believe God wants us to have a little heaven on earth and to share that piece (and peace) of heaven that we enjoy everywhere that we go. My goodness isn't to point people to me. That's control.  My goodness is to point people to heaven. That's liberty! I pray your strength and divine healing.  Be at peace, knowing that God is good.  And He is a faithful rewarder of ALL who put their trust in Him. Amen. Fearless Nation!  Let's go!

Life on Purpose

On this 36th anniversary of my birth, I find myself reflective not of my life but of the life of Christ in me. At the start of this year I was very conscience of God's grace and of the intentional love that He manifest in the life of His Son, Jesus Christ; and how greatly this love has changed my life. Not many years ago, I was deeply convinced that I would never see the age of 40, never marry and never have children.  But God, in His Intentional Love, saw through me. He guided me to Himself and gave me LIFE on purpose.  I am encouraged today not because I am celebrated but because I have Life. I have life in me and all around me. I am grateful to my husband and our four children. Their lives give me strength.  Each one of them reflects a facet of God that I only see when I look at them. I am grateful for the purpose that God has given me.  I am, both honored and humbled by His call. My only hope and wish on this day is to continue living the life God has given me with intentional love on purpose. 

I pray for you too. That you would receive the love of God that not only makes life fulfilling but makes it rich as well.  Live life on purpose.  Enjoy every second of it! God has a perfect plan for you.

Fisherman's Catch

I woke up this morning anxious to begin the day. I have “work” to do. A project came to me that I am both excited to begin and intimidated by; but nevertheless I am going to move forward in it. But yesterday was different. Yesterday, I was tripping and flipping out over the L word, Life, which is that wonderful and sometimes chaotic experience between birth and death. I am habitually a great starter. I get inspired. I have faith. I move and then I start looking at what I have and I immediately want to recant.

Me: “This is a stupid idea.” “It will never work.” “You can’t do that.” "Who would want to pay you for that?”

The Father: “Ahh, Jesus. Here we go.” My Father must be having an SMH moment. “Let me talk to her.”

Surely, I can’t be the only one who has schizo confidence and polarized faith. One moment, I’m like, “Yeah, I can do it. I can’t help but succeed. I am blessed and anointed for this.” And then I’m like, “I’m the suckiest, blood sucking sucky person that ever sucked!” But then, my Father says, things like, “It is not what you do, it is who you are.” And reminds me that, “You are a fisher.”

When I get stuck thinking that I’m a writer. Or I’m a mom. Or I’m a wife. I feel all this pressure to perform. I feel like all eyes are on me and I’ve got to do a little dance, like when I was 5, so everyone could tell me how good I was. It wasn’t that I loved to dance, I loved the applause. My testimony isn’t that I was a horrible sinner (which I was) or that I hit rock bottom (which I did). My testimony is that Jesus died for my sins (little ones, big ones, seen ones, hidden ones) not because of I what I did, but because of who I am. When I look at my life, it is easy sometimes to see all the things (really just 1 or 2) that I wish I could change. But the truth is that I have so many things (innumerable) to be grateful about.

Yesterday, my husband made a commentary on my “situation” and he made me laugh really hard. In his discourse he told me that he had once felt like a homeless man sleeping on the ground covered in leaves. He said, “I thought my situation was that bad, in reality, I was sleeping in a bed next to my wife who loves me. My kids are healthy. We eat well, good, healthy meals. We watch TV on a flat screen. We have a pool in the backyard, soap and facial scrub, cologne…I have Coconut oil for my skin…c’mon. Coconut Oil!” He was right. He told me, “If you are fisherman, it is never a waste of time to fish. Eventually, you are going to catch something.” Right again.

My problem, lately, has been focusing on the future. I have been wrestling with whether or not every decision I seem to make is a waste of time. I have felt like if I don’t catch the metaphorical fish, then I can’t be a very good fisherman. But it isn’t what I do that makes me a fisherman, it is who I am that makes me a fisherman. Matthew 4: 18-20 paints a pretty nice picture, it says,

“And Jesus, walking by the Sea of Galilee, saw two brothers, Simon called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea; for they were fishermen. Then He said to them, “Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.” They immediately left their nets and followed Him. Going on from there, He saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother, in the boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets.”

I see two things in this scripture. I see one group casting their nets and another group mending their nets. Both of whom, were called, not because of what they caught or did not catch but because of who they were, fishermen. Whether you find yourself casting your net (which is what you should do because that is who you are) or mending your net (because like me, you always try to fix things and make them perfect before you do what you know you wore born to do)…YOU ARE STILL A FISHER OF MEN! You are called by God to impact the world with the gifts that He has given you, and that gift is irrevocable. Whether you see value in it or not doesn’t change who you are. You will naturally, be drawn to do what you were born to do. And those, who are drawn to you, will be drawn to you not on the basis of your perfect mending or net casting; but by your graceful acceptance to be who you are…a fisher of men. A fishermen doesn’t predict what he will catch or when he will catch it, his only responsibility is to be ready. It is God who decides our lot, and he promises that it will be full and complete.

I encourage with these words as I encourage myself, “For he who has begun a good work in you is faithful to complete it.” Philippians 1:6

“Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 15:58

In His Love, Natrietia

You Shall Not Pass

I admit I am sort of a film nerd, No Etiquette Regarding Drama. My husband and I both, enjoy watching American and foreign films with subtitles so that we can absorb all of the beautiful language being said. We are guilty of pausing a movie just to discuss the use of language, lighting and or acting in a scene. We are guilty of using quotes from films we watched in our everyday conversations. In fact, we love to throw each other off with random quotes to see if the other picks up on the origin of the quote. One of our favorite films is The Lord of the Rings trilogy. They are quite long and filled with beautiful messages about friendship, faith, good and evil. One of the best quotes from the film is “You shall not pass!”

“You shall not pass!” is infamous both historically and as a part of literature and film. In short, the French translation, “Ils ne passeront pas” meaning “They shall not pass” was used in the Battle of Verdun in World War I by a French General named Robert Nivelle. It was later used on propaganda posters and added to military badges in the same war. But,“You shall not pass” is more widely known by our present day culture, as the phrase Gandalf the Grey, makes in the 2001 film “The Fellowship of the Ring”, based on J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Gandalf and his companions are being pursued by a Balrog (a demonic entity) and he makes the bold declaration that this enemy cannot pass beyond the place he stands. With his staff in hand, he breaks the narrow ground to allow his companions to escape. It is his boldness and courage that makes this scene so riveting to me. In the face of a big, scary demonic force, Gandalf does not cower and he doesn’t try to be brave. He is reacting based on his knowledge of things. He is conscience of his companions and of the mission they have set out to accomplish and makes a decision. He draws a line in the middle of the chaos and his fears with his words, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!” Eventually, his companions escape and he is swept into an abyss where he wars with and overcomes the Balrog. His companions fear him dead but he arrives at an opportune time glowing and effervescent, no longer Gandalf the Grey but Gandalf the White.

I hope that wasn’t too grueling for you, and thank you for tolerating my nerdom. I was recently reminded of the phrase in conversation with my husband. He reminded and encouraged me, that if we (he and I, and any believer) ever intend to see the manifestation of God’s promises (no matter how extreme or farfetched the idea), we must draw a line somewhere. We must essentially say to any opposing views and even our so called common senses…“You shall not pass!”

Problem is we have a tendency to forget things especially in the heat of battle. I know. I’ve been there. I’ve been in the middle of the storm, asking myself, “What should I do? Which way should I go?” Some months ago, 8 to be exact I was laid off from my job. I have been on a number of interviews. Some good opportunities and others, let’s just say, I was OVER qualified for. I have at times felt confused about my future. What shall I do? What should I expect? Should I be looking for another job? Should I be focused on my writing? Should I go back to school? Last week, I had an interview that I knew I was over qualified for and I knew that I wasn’t going to get it because I knew that it wasn’t God’s will. And I said, to myself, “Self, what are you doing?” I love God because even when I talk to myself, he answers me.

He said, “Confusion occurs when you stop believing what you first believed. What did you believe about your circumstance when you first got laid off?”

I answered, “I believed that it was your will. I believed that I was being promoted.”

“Then draw a line.” The words that my husband had spoken reverberated in my soul.

You see, everybody was born with a purpose. Everybody is good at something. Every day of your life according to Psalm 139, verse 16 was recorded,

“You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.”

So I am drawing a line. I’m taking a stand. Why should I be looking for anything less than what God said would happen in my life? Why should I be settled on conformity when God has said that I am extraordinary? "Why should I try and fit in when I was born to standout?" (Dr. Suess) We all have been met with circumstances that threaten us and make us afraid. But we can either choose to cower in the face of adversity or stand up against it. “You shall not pass!” To the enemy of your life and mine, we must be violently aggressive concerning the defense of our companions, and our mission in life. We cannot settle for what is common and expect uncommon results. It is when we are in the fire, the extremes of life that we are cast from mediocrity to sensational hero. It is where we become more of who we really are.

Gandalf the Grey was transformed when he took a stand on a very narrow bridge of hope; and confronted the evil that sought to overtake him and his companions. He contended with the enemy with these words, “You shall not pass!” For you and I our revelation of God and our expectation in him must be so elevated that we could never settle for anything less than His very best!

In His Love, Natrietia

The Bread is Good

I love bread. Bread taste good. It doesn’t matter if it’s garlic bread or a pumpernickel loaf. There is just something good about bread. If I were hungry and someone offered me bread I would take it and eat it without question. In fact I would enjoy it. I would not question the motivation behind the gift because my hunger is being satisfied. In fact, I would probably thank them for their benevolence. If I discovered, somehow, that the person who gave me the bread was an adulterer or a pimp, or a drug dealer, or criminal it would not change my hunger nor would it change the nutritional value of the bread that was offered to and eaten by me. Even if I discovered, that the person who offered me the bread was only giving it to me to manipulate me or to gain favor with me. It still would not change the taste, value or content of the bread that I received and was nourished by.

I have wanted to write on this subject for some time now. But if you have been following the blog, you know that I have been drawn to the subject of forgiveness; which is truly important and fundamental to a life of peace. But today, I felt like writing something a little different. Actually, it wasn't me. Most of my writing isn't premeditated. I have moments of spontaneous inspiration or revelation and I’m like,

“Oh, wow, that’s good. Thank you, God for explaining that to me. Let me write it down.”

Case in point, the bread is good. I wasn’t particularly concentrated on a specific aspect of my faith. I was just reading “Both/And:Ministering In Between Life's Extremes” by Benny Perez and “The Lady’s Rage” by yours truly, and I began to think about the message. The word. The gospel. And I considered a few people that I know who struggle to believe the message, the word and the gospel. And as I was considering them and myself, God painted a picture in my mind’s eye that made sense to me.

“I am the bread of life.” John 6:48

Jesus says of himself, that He is the bread of life. The bread is good. If someone presents bread to us, whose hands are unclean or whose heart is impure, it doesn’t change the quality of the bread. I know, you might say it does but you only say that from the perspective of not being hungry. Do you think a person who is starving cares where his food comes from? Or whose hands prepared it? Or why it’s being given? A starved person isn’t in a position to make these judgments because they are hungry. And the only thing that satisfies hunger is food. Not theology. Not religion. Not education. Not even money.

When you are hungry do you reach in your refrigerator for gold, money or diamonds? Do you go to your library of books and search for something to eat? No, you reach for food! The same is true of the gospel. The gospel is very simple. Hungry? Eat. Condemned? Eat. Depressed? Eat. Food is for the hungry. Jesus is the bread of life. He is the bread that we ALL need to live. Much like a starving person, there is a level of humility every believer comes to with the realization that they are hungry. Not for what does not satisfy but for Who does. Our culture is starved for real food;satiated by candy bars and chips.We make gods of mere men and idols of material; and complain that they are flawed, imperfect.

“Jesus declared, 'I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.'” John 6:35

The good news isn’t corrupt. It is not spoiled even by bad men. The bread is good. God is good. Leave the delegation of right and wrong to God. And if you are hungry, eat. Eat your fill of bread because there is more than enough of God to go around. As a person, who believes and has received the good news, I am obligated by passion to share what has been given to me. I have never been more satisfied or fulfilled by anything or anyone than I am in communion with God. Life's challenges. People's attitudes. The world's view. The cultures of men and women don't change the mere fact...that when I was hungry...God fed me. And the bread is good.

The Hurt of Relief (It Gets Ugly but it will End Pretty)

I had a conversation with my sister recently and we laughed that we never expected our faith walk to look anything like it has. We remarked that it, the walk, the life, the faith gets ugly. Sometimes there is pain we did not expect to come. Sometimes we cry tears that we did not count on crying as believers. We are faced with all manner of contradictions to the life that we were born to lead. The process of overcoming and believing isn’t very pretty, much like the birthing process we experienced as mothers. We were in our respective delivery rooms. There was no make-up (well, she had on a little---haha). There were no fancy garments; in fact, we had to get naked to give birth. We had to make ourselves vulnerable, expose our weakness and our pains to give birth to our children; and though that process was so very ugly…it got pretty in just a moment.

As John 16:21 so eloquently explains, “A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.”



However long or short the labor, though it is painful and ugly, when what we had been carrying for 40 weeks or so finally pushes its way out, all of the ugliness fades away in the beauty and newness of this life. Relieved of the temporary pain, we marvel at the child, so small and innocent, pure and light. We reckon that there is nothing quite as beautiful and miraculous as this. And our joy feels complete. The reality and complexity of life has always been one of the most demonstrative evidences of God to me. Ecclesiastes 11:5 explains it in this way,

“As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.”

We can explain and give names to things that God created but we, ourselves are incapable of creating anything that is original. If it is language where did sound come from? If it is music where did the material to create the instrument originate? If it is art who created the eye to see it? And if by chance, we were inclined to believe that life began by a spark or by a cell having no body, where then was its origin? Is it not God, the Creator all who has fashioned us all?

I began to think on these things recently, having given birth to a child I carried for well over 15 years or more. At times, I was in pain, embarrassed that my labor had been so long and that I had not given birth. I wanted to be the mom, who goes in and spits the baby out in record time. I carried the baby, The Lady’s Rage, in the womb of my heart and soul for so long that when the labor came, I barely knew it. It was a painful process carrying it, but I wanted the relief of giving birth. I no longer wanted its life inside of me, but outside of me. And so, the day came, The Lady’s Rage was born on April 1, 2013. She was a healthy baby girl, born to deliver a generation, born with purpose and born of God’s spirit. I am reminded of Mary, the mother of Jesus. Her name had meant sorrow but she birthed a deliverer. While others marveled at her son, the Bible recounts her at many stages of Jesus’ life as “keeping all these things and pondering them in her heart.” (Luke 2:19 & 51)

In my heart, there had been many sorrows but God had used them all to bring deliverance. So often we find ourselves pregnant at the wrong time, in the wrong place and if we fear we will abort the child that has been given to us. We will say, “This is not the right time. I can’t be pregnant right now.” But if we allow the Spirit of God to help us through the walk, we can make it even if we waddle, even if our feet get swollen…even if we get ugly in the process…The Lord promises that it will get pretty at the end. Our responsibility is to carry it. To keep it in mind and in our hearts until the day comes.

I know that there are some people today who are feeling the hurt of relief, the pain of their labor; but I want to encourage you today to push through it until your baby comes forth. What God has given you to birth is for you and there is nothing that can stop the baby from coming forth except that you abort it through fear. Don’t allow yourself to be distracted in this moment. God is giving you the faith and the strength to push in your weakest moment and to press into the promises that He has for you. Don’t lose heart. Don’t give up now. Just keep pushing! Your relief is right before you, your joy will be full and you will remember the hurt no more!

Let’s pray, “Father, God, Thank you for your grace on us now. Give us the strength to persist and to push through the pain. Relieve us from our fears and make us willing and strong. Give us the faith to believe you at your word. Impossibilities do not limit your ability. Perform your word in us today according to your will. We believe you and we honor you with our faith today. You are the Lord and there is no other. Our confidence rest in you today and we are moved by your Spirit to declare your goodness and your mercy wherever we go. Let your light shine in our hearts today that others may witness your glorious nature. Thank you, Lord for your coming glory. Thank you, Lord for your favor. Thank you, Lord for restoration all around us. We give you the praise. For yours, is the kingdom and the glory and the honor forever. In Jesus’ name, Amen."

Dream Again, Girls (Dress Rehearsal is Over!)

I revisited a post from 2007 called “Can’t a Girl Dream” and it made me smile. The image resonated in my heart and in my soul of women of all nations, colors and sizes, occupations and gifting, all wrapped up in a blanket of love…such an awesome dream. In fact, just yesterday, my eldest daughter drew a picture of 6 girls (all different colors) holding hands in a field of flowers and butterflies. It struck me, again, what an amazing dream this was and I was immediately inspired, I heard the soft whisper of the Holy Spirit… “Dream Again, Girls.”

Dream again. Every little girl, no matter her race, economic situation, experiences…has had a dream… It’s in our DNA to imagine. The dream may not be the same for each of us, but the capacity to dream is always there. As a child, I probably dreamed more than most, from day to day, week to week, I could be anything, from a princess to a doctor, to an Australian to a unicorn. But, the older I got the more concise the dreams became. I surmised that I was irreproachably gifted to write and this would be my gift to the world. Life became more real than the dream, and I thrust myself willfully into the depths of responsibility claiming to have never dreamt of such childish things. Still, within my heart lingered this desire to write. It was an inescapable part of me. So, I challenged myself at times, to balance, life and family with this innate passion. I struggled to differentiate between my will and God’s will, and where the dream itself fit in. If I didn't write I felt like I was neglecting the gift. Or if I did spend time to write, I felt like I was focusing too much on it and neglecting my immediate responsibilities. Strangely, I was most inspired to write when my life was the most chaotic. I would write about things relevant to my current situation and or things that God spoke to my spirit. I started “The Lady’s Rage” blog spot as an answer to God’s call and my willingness to be unveiled in a culture of pretend and make believe.

Still, my life was similar to a reoccurring dream that I had. In the dream, I was on stage doing a play I had already performed years ago; and I would never rehearse the lines until opening night. Frantically, I would search for the script, unsure if I still knew the lines. I would always feel this pressure of time. Like, man, maybe I don’t remember the lines. Maybe I should have prepared for this. And now, this is opening night and I have 45 minutes to remember this play. In reality, I was confronted with the same insecurities. Have I prepared enough for the real thing? Am I ready for the manifestation of God’s promises? Can handle being in the spotlight when I spent so much time in the shadows? Do I know what I am doing? Back in forth, I would go between complete surrender to God’s unveiling majesty and reticent reluctance to promotion. God said to me, a few weeks ago, “This has been the rehearsal. This time of waiting. This time of anticipation. This time of battle. It’s all been rehearsal.”

Many of us have been in stages of life that have been tumultuous, and difficult. We have received promises from God that have seemingly been unanswered. And while waiting for the manifestation of those promises, we have been met with every opposite reality of victory, joy and peace. Still, our hope remains. I can say with a certainty that I never, ever would have imagined THIS but I have gained such an appreciation for God’s word and for HIS presence in the midst of all of the difficulty, because at the end of the day I have found rest that cannot be taken from me. I have found peace that doesn’t exist because of things I have but rather because of whose I am. I have more today in terms of LIFE Abundant than I have ever had materially. And, I can say that all of the preparations of God through the various situations that have arisen have made me more than able to perform any task, at any time in any situation. I know my lines. I know what to say. I know my marker. I know my timing.

If you know anything about performing on stage, there are three things you must know. #1) Your lines. #2) Your mark. #3) Your timing. The rehearsal that we have been in has been about knowing the word, your righteousness through faith in God and the timing of God (prophetically).

The dream itself, the vision that God has given you is the means through which he is going to put you on stage… but ultimately, it is what you have rehearsed, that will have the most impact on those who are watching you. It is what you have done, in secret that will be on display. I encourage, you child of God, to dream again. Don’t let the passion die in you because of the trials of life. But rather, seek the Father, so that those dreams can live again. In His presence, there is fullness of joy. In His presence, there is everything that you need. Wisdom, joy, inspiration, strength, peace… you name it… wherever He is present, there is an abundance of everything that you need and want.

I pray that you will rediscover the dream that God has given you and that you will allow God to impact your life in such a way that it overflows to next generation. You are not without help, may God fill with his Holy Spirit and guide in His will.

If I Perish, I Perish but I Will See God

My God, sometimes it’s the little things. Nobody knows. Nobody sees. It’s the little things that make the BIGGEST impact. You’re waiting for that BIG break through. You’re waiting for that ONE moment that changes everything… but God likes details… He gets into the finite things…

Look at the variation of fish. He didn't just make one fish he made all shapes, sizes and colors of them. He didn't make one shade of blue… or one shade of gray… He didn't just bless you one way, He blessed you in every way…He started off small… He spoke to your heart…then gradually you were transformed… maybe you were expecting to be in a different “PLACE” in life… but you are different today than you were before. I have felt weaker than ever… but I have felt His Presence strong… and all I have to say to those of you, who know what it is like to be crushed and brokenhearted, to feel abandoned and confused…there is something that God has done… in that secret hidden place, where no one knew that you were going through what you were going through, nobody but God saw your tears and heard you crying out for help…it was in that dark tunnel of fear, when you were so afraid and didn't know what to do… that God said, “Trust Me, I know what I am doing.” And you did.

I cried out the other day to God, “If I perish, I perish.” I lay it all out before him, my life, my opinions, my strength, my weakness, my ambition, my family, my love…there is nothing more valuable to me than my relationship with him. And I cannot be bought, I cannot be bribed… I cannot be told that my GOD is not the Lord of Lords. I am convinced of His love for you and I and we will surely see the Glory of God in the land of the living. The tides are changing… the hearts of the people have grown weak… and God has transformed our weakness into strength. He has made want was unknown… known… He has made the little things, Big…and the big things, small. Hear the word of the Lord. A day is coming and now is, when the kingdom of heaven will be represented in the earth and out of the darkness will shine a great light. And every knee will bow and every tongue will confess, Jesus Christ as Lord. He is he who holds the key to life. He is, the Alpha and the Omega, who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty. You cannot pander the anointing. When God begins to unveil His majesty, it will be to a broken people, a people of little or no regard… Humble yourselves under God’s almighty hand and in due season he will exalt you. Let Him crush you and rebuild you. Thank you Lord for the little things you do, that no one sees… But I see you Lord. I see YOU.

The Knowledge of Things

Why do you hate?
Why do you blame men for your folly?
Why do you boast of things too wonderful for you?
Behave as a man.
Conduct yourselves as wives and mothers of children.
Do not trample the hope that was laid down for you.

If you are just, will not justice prevail?
If you judge, will you not also be judged with the same measure of fear?
If you love, will you not overflow with the measure of kindness you have filled others with?
Is it your belief in nothing that leaves you so empty?
Do well and seek your Father’s face.
In the morning His light will shine on you.
Do you think men are evil?
So are you.
Do you think men are good?
So are you.

There are but two things in this life.
Little things and big things.
The little things are the big things.
And the big things are the little things.
And both are worth finding out.
Our journey here on this earth is but for a mere moment in time
Do not say what tomorrow holds…
For tomorrow holds no promise
Today very well may be your last
Behave in such a way that if today your souls is called upon
That nothing is left behind.

Love when it is painful.
Give when you have the least.
And in the end you will have gained more than you gave.
Reach for the truth like a blind man in darkness
Take hold of it, though darkness surrounds you.
Take hold of it and do not let it go.

Why blame men for your folly?
When, even, your good intentions turn out bad.
Why blame the innocent for what you did not believe?
Why judge the creature for doing what he was born to do?
Why do you boast of things to wonderful for you?
You do not have answers for the questions you ask
And your speculations are full of lies.
Why do you behave like an illegitimate child when your Father is the king?
Why do you frolic in the mire and look for living things in the grave?
You will find nothing in the heap you dug…but death.

When you wake from your terrible slumber,
Who will you find besides you there?
“Nothing,” says the grave.
“Nothing” lays there.
“Nothing” says the soul crying from the deep.
“Nothing” lays there.
“Nothing” says the hope, cast away in the dirt.
“Nothing” lays there.
“Nothing and nowhere,” cries the soul separated from the truth.

Nothing boast of things too wonderful for it.
Nothing hears your lament for help.
Nothing shows no mercy.
Nothing is too wonderful for you.
Yet, something
In the quiet of your soul
Begins to stir at the utterance of that Name,
The One, who holds the key and the words of life,
Beckons to you…
Come…
Come all of you, who know absolutely nothing.
Come and I will show you mercy and
Things too wonderful for you.
Come and live again.

We Are Transformers

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18

Some months ago, I felt compelled of the spirit of God to begin writing on the subject matter of transformation. I had heard the Lord whisper the word “Transformer” to my spirit. I immediately, thought of the blockbuster movies and the 80’s cartoon that those movies were inspired by. So, I Googled some images with the hope of finding a visual for what I sensed in my spirit; that we, the body of Christ, are Transformers. Sadly, I couldn’t find one. I looked for a definition of transformer and I found this:

1. One that transforms. 2. A device used to transfer electric energy from one circuit to another, especially a pair of multiply wound, inductively coupled wire coils that effect such a transfer with a change in voltage, current, phase, or other electric characteristic

With this definition in mind, I immediately knew where God was taking me. He said, “My people are transformers. I am the energy source. My people are the transformers.” He said, “And yes like the cartoon heroes that transformed from one function to another and one form to another; so it is with my people.” He said to me, “your perfection brings glory to you. But your transformation brings glory to me.” The Lord reminded me of a previous conversation that I had with him in prayer. I said, “Lord, I wish that I had walked these 17 years flawlessly. I wish I had always believed and never lost hope.” And He reminded me in that moment, that His strength is revealed in my weakness. He said, “When you were young in faith. You were self righteous. You believed you were righteous because you saw yourself as “good.” You had a checklist of things that you did not do. You felt that because of your ability to refrain from those things that you were right with me. You thought because you didn’t do this and didn’t do that, that you were good in my sight. You boasted in your own image; but you did not boast of my ability. You did not make yourself vulnerable. However, in the secret places of your heart, Natrietia, you held onto insecurities, rage and jealousies. You were alienated from me because of your fears.” He continued, “It wasn’t until you became vulnerable, that the power of my word transformed you. And that is where my strength is perfected.”

This kind of vulnerability and resulting transformation was best exemplified in the life of Jesus Christ. There was a glory that appeared in Jesus when he was resurrected. His resurrected body was different from the body that hung on the cross and the body wrapped with the ceremonial burial clothing. With this image of Christ before me, I heard the Father say, “You are the body of Christ. There is a glory that I am ready to release. But that transformation is happening when my people return to me with vulnerability. When they no longer resist the cross; but carry it through the pain, through the resistance, through the embarrassment and simply say, ‘Not my will, but your will be done.’ When they cry out, ‘Father, forgive them.’ When my children call me, Father. When they have relationship with me. When they talk with me. When they worship me in spirit and in truth. He said, “Call out to the people.” Write it and send it.

I heard him, this morning. I awoke with these words and they are true. “If you do not believe in something, you will die for nothing. Belief is a necessity of life. You wore born to believe.”

The Lord says, “I am willing. I am ready. I have accomplished victories for you. Will you believe? Will you trust me? Will you place no other above me?"

I don’t know if these words mean anything to anyone, but they mean a lot to me. I have personally been in a frustrated place. On the one hand, extraordinarily blessed, assured of God’s love, His ability and the gift of family. On the other hand, I have been confused by my literal circumstance and environment. I have been perplexed and wondered, why a specific area in my life, that is so very small, and doesn’t seem to fit with everything else that is so “right” in my life has overwhelmed me so much. The challenge really becomes whether or not I will trust the Lord in the midst of this death (of will, desire) so that I am transformed into something greater than my temporary want and or need. I mean, literally, whatever I fear in this life is only necessary for this life. And when we view things in this light, we see them for what they really are. Temporary. I am not living for this life. I’m not living to make my life here permanent. I’m living my life here temporarily, a mere visit on the planet Earth. It can be enjoyable, but my joy will not be dictated by things that are temporary because I believe in someone greater, who is Everlasting.

The Lord said to me “I see an army of men, women, old and young, spread wide and across lines…these men stand tall. These women stand tall. These children stand tall. This army transforms. They reach the heights of the enemy’s high walls. They leap over its gates. Their feet crush temples, strongholds and systems. The enemy’s darts are like toothpicks in their skin. Their skin is like armor. This army stands tall. Their feet are able to stand on the heights. This army of men, women, young and old is greater than the sea is wide.”

Confrontation is necessary for a life of victory; and because most of us spend our lives compromising we live lives of defeat. The Lord said, “You cannot begin to write about Transformation without laying a foundation of faith.” Your faith in the Word of God is the first confrontation that you will engage in and without it you will suffer endless defeats.

I want to gladly boast in the victories that I have won. The many accomplishments of the spirit and all the right decisions I have made. But they all would be empty without the knowledge of the source of my strength. If I had conquered in my own ability, what glory would it bring the Father? But through suffering, through the pain, the loss, the tears, the rage… The Lord transformed me. He made a saint out of a sinner. He made a prophet out of a liar. He made a wife out of a prostitute. He made a mother out of a barren woman. There is nothing impossible for God. Even my losses have been gains because I gained the knowledge of the Greatness. I gained the knowledge of His love and strength in the midst of my own weakness. The Lord has carried me and loved me and been the backbone of my life. Never before have I been so weak…yet, never before have I witnessed such strength.

This is a reminder to me and to all those who will be vulnerable before the Lord, that we were born to believe. Whatever this life has handed you, is but a temporary affliction, but the eternal things if God, faith, love, joy, peace, strength cannot be taken away. We are a fearless nation. We are transformers!

Into the Hands of God...The Brokenhearted will Fall

I cried. I wept. I snotted all over the place. I threw my hands up at God and said, “Whhhhhhyyyyyy?” for as long as I could without taking a breath. I murmured. I complained. I made suggestions. I countered. I made a case. I prayed. I gave thanks. I fasted. I suffered long. I obeyed. I tried. But near the end, right when I was about to give up, is when I knew. I knew deep down in my tired soul that I was born for this. Perhaps, if I hadn’t been so wounded and preoccupied with the pain, I would have KNOWN it sooner. After all, I had chosen the road less traveled. We, all, who see beyond, natural circumstances, have had to make the faith fall aka the trust test. God, stands behind you in a circle of friends. Your back is to Him, you don’t see him, but you know that He is there.

He beckons to you, “Trust Me.”

You say, “You mean, watch me fall?”

He laughs, more like a giggle, actually more like a roar of thunder. The sound is hearty. You feel lightheaded but at ease. You take the dive. And, Walla, you’re there, in the hands of God.

I wanted to remind you and me that we are in the hands of God. And with Him there is no failure. I know it’s been a difficult journey and the dream, we've been holding onto since childhood, has seemed to tarry longer than we ever expected. But I want you to know that your faith in God wasn’t in vain. Everything He said is 100% true. He didn’t lie to you. I woke up this morning with a strange song in my head, “Would I lie to you?” by the British duo, The Eurhythmics. The hook goes a little something like this, "Would I lie to you honey? Would I say something to you that wasn’t true?” The answer to this question, if God was posing it, is simply, “No.” He would not lie to you and He would not tell you something that was not true. You must love him and trust him. As he loves you and trust you with his word.

A few months ago, the Lord spoke to me and he said, “I want you to be fearless.” This call to fearlessness is so necessary to the advancement of God’s kingdom in the earth. Fear is a liar. It is a False, Expectation, Appearing Real. It presents the worst case scenario every single time. It never believes. I want to encourage you today, also, to be fearless. To look fear its dreadful eyes and say, “No more! I will not be afraid. I will put my trust in the Living God, whose love never fails, whose peace breaks every barrier. In him, will I trust.”

I know you have felt abandoned, disappointed, neglected, overlooked; but child of God, it has not been in vain. You have occupied the place that the Lord has commanded you. In secret you have sought him and interceded for others. And though they may not have acknowledged or seemed to appreciate anything that you have done. Know that the Lord has seen it all. And even still, while their lips betray you, you still believe better things concerning them. You will not be made ashamed says the Lord but you will receive double. Do not think that The Lord will not be good to you. Do not think that you have misjudged God’s ability or expected too much. But the Lord says I reward those who seek me diligently. He says what you do in secret I will reward you openly for. Do not envy anyone. Do not compare yourself. Do not be ashamed. But believe my word. Trust in me and know that I am good. I am unfailing love. I am the God who answers. I am the Lord.

Finish Well

It took me all day to write this. Though it was on my mind and in my heart, to spend some time alone with the Lord and to write, I found it hard to do. Considering the multiplied concerns that I face, the subject matter, of writing, though dear to my heart, seemed a back burner priority. Nevertheless, I found myself thinking about a conversation I had recently. I was in tears and I said, “God loves them, but doesn’t he love me too?” And my ever faithful husband said, “I know sweetheart, but Jesus could have said the same thing. He could have said, ‘God you love them, but what about me? I’m on this cross but what about me?’” He concluded with, “I just want you to finish well.” The day before, he had encouraged me to love and pray for people that I felt I had done a good service to. And his words to me, greatly grieved me. “Give more?” I thought, “I have nothing left to give.”

Oh, how dreadful those words sound to me now, “What about me?” Here “she” goes again, on her self-pity parade, singing that same old song, “Poor little me, just trying to do what’s right and everything in this terrible world is against me.” I was dreadfully afraid of being condemned in this prison of fear and failure once again. Had I done what I was supposed to? And if not, how much longer must I suffer? How much farther into this dark tunnel must I go? After all, I had been fool enough to say, “Lord, not my will but your will be done. Show me your glory. Reveal yourself through me. Lord, if I lose everything for your namesake and end up living in a car with my husband and my babies then it will be worth it just to know that I have done what you asked.” I had been that fool. And that wrapped up in God’s presence to believe that I really could just lie down and die to my own desires and personal ambitions… just to be that much closer to the love of my eternal soul, Jesus.

Oh, how soothing the promise is in my ears that God’s grace is sufficient. How beautiful the reminder that no matter how pitiful my faith that God remains faithful. I heard, a renowned evangelist, Joseph Prince, say this week, that “God is not anxious” about anything. He’s patient. He’ll take his time. He’ll wait for it, the it in you that he knows is there. Romans 5:5 says, “And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.” His great desire for us is that we would overflow with love. That even in our hardships, we would be so convinced of God’s love, that nothing could defer it. That we would be partakers of the hope that makes us so fearlessly flawless in matters of love. It is this love that never fails to believe.

I was expecting a major breakthrough, a tangible change to occur in my immediate future that has taken longer than expected. I staked my peace on this milestone. And once again, the Lord reminded me that my faith is in Him, not in the resulting occurrences because of my relationship to him. I want to encourage myself and you with these words. There is nothing that you and I are experiencing, no battle we are in that has never been fought before. There is no fear that cannot be overcome by faith. There is no door that God has opened that anyone can shut. You and I were made for this victory. The unfailing love of God resides in us. Don’t pout. Stop crying. Quit complaining. Just finish well. Fearless Nation, Let’s Go!

Wait For It

Waiting? Got patience? Staying power? Ability? Wait for it. Some weeks ago I was inspired to write on the subject of transformation and when I woke up unusually early yesterday morning, I was reminded that I never quite got around to blogging about it. As I considered this, I thought about my own transformation and the whimsical expression of God through those changes. Change is a natural progression of life. We live for it. We wait for what will be. We venture to anticipate the unknown, but often times find ourselves revisiting the past. For what can man predict? What can man really be sure of, other than what God reveals? We think, but we don’t really know anything. We read books and we consider them true on the basis of the opinion or research of the one who finds it. We say “this person is legitimized by their study and therefore their words must be true since I have no knowledge of it.” But education does not make for perfect men and women. Knowledge, according to the Bible, puffs up but love edifies. (See 1 Cor. 8:1) It makes a man or woman, who depends on knowledge, inevitably unkind to those who lack what they have. Knowledge, without love, demeans those who are absent of it. Whether it is creative, self, social, brain or religious knowledge… knowledge though it appears to make one better, only segregates those who have it from those who do not, if not tempered by love.

If my knowledge does not have a vein of love in it, then it is only useful to me and no one else. It builds me up, in my self-awareness. It boasts of my successes and my reigning power; but it does not lend a hand to the needy. And this, failure to love, is the tragedy of men. For what do I have that wasn’t given to me? The breath of life, the bend of my hair, the framework hidden beneath my skin, the heart that beats so violently in my chest pumping blood throughout my body without end. The very ability to know, comprehend and understand was not measured to me on the basis of any knowledge I attained. Life was given to me and every day I have the choice to either live with the knowledge of that gift or to deny the very power at work within me. It may seem an odd consideration but I could not begin to talk about transformation, without addressing the nature of man’s need to know. We seek knowledge under the guise of preparedness, readiness and responsibility. But if our knowledge does not end in love, it is fruitless behavior. The transforming power of God is limited in us, the realm of our influence and the fullness of our innate gifts is never reached.

Several months ago I faced tremendous fear. I could not see my way out of a situation and I was tormented by my disability. I wanted to KNOW what I had done, where I held failed and why I was not getting the results I had anticipated. I had been obedient, faithful, knowledgeable concerning God’s promise and seemingly unrewarded. I saw no worth in my testimony and I pitied myself. I thought, “What a shame? All of these promises from God and I will see none of them. Perhaps, they are for my children and not me. I do not have the strength to believe God concerning this anymore.” But God said to me, “If you have me, you have everything you need. Your value is in Me.” He said to me, “You are awesome. It doesn’t matter where you are or what you are doing. You are awesome. You are the canvas of my heart.” He had taken notice of me and did not pity me. Rather, he esteemed me as awesome. I had misplaced my victorious destiny in the future, when I needed only see my worth in the here and now. In the dreaded place, between belief and transition, I was transformed. I saw a picture of God’s awesomeness, through his love for me. And if I had not waited, but allowed the knowledge of my circumstance to betray me, I would not have seen this transformation as I do now.

Awesomeness is contagious. The awesomeness of God is like a fragrance and a fire. (See 2 Cor. 2:14-15, Zec. 2:5)How awesome are you? Not sure? Wait for it. The promises of God will inevitably manifest in our lives. He does not and will not make a promise to you that he is unwilling to keep. The store of our faith, belief in his word and our prayers overflows generations. No prayer we have prayed will go unanswered. Though it linger. Wait for it. Though you face rejection. Wait for it. Though you suffer. Wait for it. Wait for his strength to be revealed. Wait for His love to be displayed. Wait for the courage to face your fears. Because his promise to you is this,

“For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.” Habakkuk 2:3

The certainty of transformation is realized when our knowledge of God’s promises are met with impossibility. To venture in the boat of faith, one must rely on God as captain, sail, wind and wave. Though we may be thrust and tossed about a sea of impossibilities, our hope remains. That is the staying power of the knowledge of God’s love expressed through his will to give, you and I, life abundant. The uncertainty of life is not in God’s nature but in our own. When we compare his nature to our human nature, we display fear, angst and distrust. Our knowledge of life and death compels us at every turn to self-preserve. When we are met with difficulty, our mind searches for answers; and it wants to know, why this is happening and how can I fix it? But true faith doesn’t consider why or how, because neither answer can foretell the ability of God. Instead, true faith, relies on the knowledge of God’s unfailing love expressed through His son, Jesus Christ, to make dead things live again, impossible situations to turn out good, awesomeness to come to ignoble people. Why? Because He can. Just wait for it.

Reality Check

As I walked the tree laced streets of Valencia, CA yesterday afternoon, I took note of the various buildings and structures along the way. The carefully paved sidewalks. The tranquil breeze. The man smoking in the bushes flipping through his cell phone. The cars whisking by with drivers desperate to clock back in from their lunch hours. I thought of the calls that might be missed as I walked the tree laced streets. My headphones provided an escape from the monotony and I tuned into the voice of the spirit as He whispered to me. I nodded in agreement, “This is not my reality. This is not real. The heartache. The trials & tribulations. The arguments. The frustrations. The disease. The lack. The whatever is bothering me in this very moment. Is not real.” As I thought on this, I realized what is real. I said to the Lord, “My reality is your word. The things you have spoken to me in that secret place that is what is real. Your promises are real. The peace and joy that I have in your presence that is real. This other stuff is a lie. And whatever does not hold up to the truth of your word is not my reality.” The Spirit of God has painted a picture of your reality with His own words. Can you see it? Do you hear Him? He says, “You are healed. You are set free. You have peace that surpasses all understanding. You have the strength of an eagle. You have wisdom greater than kings. You are more than a conqueror. Your paths drip with abundance. Goodness and mercy follow you. You awake to brand new mercies every day. You are fruitful and blessed. You have more than enough. You are a spring whose waters never fail. Your life is preserved. You are filled with joy in his presence. You are the fragrance of Christ. You have food to eat that money cannot buy. Your children are all blessed. You are the temple of the Holy Spirit. You have been given power to succeed. You are a partaker of God’s goodness and unfailing love. You are destined for victory. You are never alone. You are protected and shielded from all harm. You cannot fail. You have received grace, strength and mercy to do extraordinary things. You are wonderfully made. You are considered by God, the apple of his eye.” Yes. This is your reality. Only believe.

Fearless Nation

Fearless people cannot die, even in the grave their spirit lives… I feel a tremendous burden to share with you something that the Lord spoke to my spirit yesterday.

He said, “Child of God I want you to be fearless.” I want you to be unafraid and full of faith. Do not fear anything. He reminded me of the Valley of the Dry bones in the book of Ezekiel. In the text, he asked the prophet, “Can these bones live?” Ezekiel answered, “Only you know Lord.” Then the Lord caused breath to enter into them and flesh formed on the once dry bones. And they stood up a great army. The Lord said to my spirit, “I have an army of people, lying down dead.” He said, “See now, I breathe fresh life into them. Will they stand up and live?” I said to the Lord, “Only if they are fearless.” The bible says that faith must be living. Our faith must be alive… Our faith is made alive through belief in Christ. Our belief is made alive through corresponding action. To stand on the word of God, to believe the word of God and to boldly confess it without fear. It is our fear that causes us to disobey the Lord. Too many what ifs? And how can this be? Enter into our thought processes and we weaken ourselves by our own fear. We seek to self preserve and we end up losing more of the life giving spirit of Christ. We crucify him, the Christ, by denying his resurrection power, again and again through our disbelief and fear. Child of God, I am convinced of something very powerful concerning you. The Lord lives. And he has entrusted to you, the mysteries of the cross. He is manifesting Himself through you in this very hour. We have asked him, Lord, show yourself powerful. Reveal yourself to me. And the Lord’s reply is this, “I have shown myself powerful. I have revealed myself, but you did not expect that I would reveal myself THROUGH you. You have been looking for houses, and cars and money and things to dictate to you my pleasure with you; but these are easy things to do. See how I have clothed the fields? See how the sky is adorned? These all speak of my wonder. They display my beauty and my majesty. How much more, my sons and daughters should show my glory and goodness? But fear, has clouded your perception. You have not fully understood what has been given to you in Christ. You have not engaged your faith.” You say, “I believe you Lord.” But when I ask you to do something you disobey. When you do obey you complain. You complain because you fear that my word is not true. Oh how I have longed to see you beautifully adorned, glistening and white without blemish and without scar. But you forbade me, with dark fear, the terrors in your soul. The mountains you fought to climb when I said to you, “speak to the mountain and it will be moved.’ You did not always listen to me, but I have not forgotten my promise. I will not turn away from you, as you did me. My love is unfailing and I will see you yet alive and full of faith. You are mine and I am yours. I restore to you this day, the love you once had for me, at the beginning. And you will surely stand up a great army. Yes, my people will stand and not perish. They will live and have dominion in the earth. They will manifest my goodness in the earth and showcase my glory for they will be fearless.

Love Letter NO 1

Her head hangs low, her eyes do not meet his She appears weak, unstable, uncertain at first And then he extends his hand, forms his words, And says, “My Beloved, you are the apple of my eye. My one true love.” She cries, she lifts her head She says with a quiet whisper… “I love you too.” Truly there is no love like the love of God. If you are single, married and lonely, dating somebody but still longing, let me just tell you … that you are special and dear. Wonderful and beautifully formed… and most of all LOVED! Can you just hear Him, say it through the pages of this screen? I love you ... I love you ... I love you… Not for what you did… or what you do... who you are…or who you’re not… not because of the car you drive... or the bus you ride... not because of the expense of your shoes or the fineness of your hair…not because you got a “man” or lost a good one… not because you’re smart… or cute… but simply because HE LOVES YOU!!!! I was struck with awe over the weekend. I began to just think about how great God’s love is. I began to cry. I said, “Lord, your LOVE means everything to me.” I remember when I first came to know Jesus. All that mattered to me was that He loved me. I would cry and cry because I couldn’t believe that someone so great and awesome could love me so completely. I had never experienced a love so tangible yet so super natural. I can’t help it. Sometimes I have to remind myself; and go to that place in my mind and suffer the pain of remembering what it was like to not know that I was loved by God, and by doing so I learn to appreciate His love all the more. Too often we are in hot pursuit of a happiness that looks the part but empty of the joy only the Lord can give. We seek out the fulfillment of promises and dreams yet forget the most important thing of all… The love of God... Not just my love for him, which becomes limited when my thinking is focused on what I think I can do for him. Truth is, I have done nothing for God that he didn’t first do for me. And so a trail of humility begins to flood the teary eye, and I with gladness I receive His LOVE for me. His love is deeper than a caress and sweeter than a kiss. His love touches you on the inside. His love fills you with life. His love fastens you. His love makes you bold. His love heals you. His love gives you strength. His love is the best thing that has ever happened to you and to me. There is no love like his. So on this Valentine’s day, I want everybody to know somebody loves you… and His name is Jesus… Jesus… Jesus, there is something about that name…. Hallelujah. In his Love.

The Preparation of the Spirit

The spirit of God reminded me of the scripture, “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life.” (John 14:6) He said, whatever you need right now, I am the way, the very substance of it and the giver of it. If you need healing, I am that healing. If you need patience, I am the giver of it. If you need finance, I am your provision. Whatever the need, I am the answer. So I said to the Lord, “What do I need to do?” My humanity says, “if something is going to get done then I have to do it.” But, I have been called to live a very different life, one that opposes my human nature, and believes contrary to its common sense. I heard a wise man say, “common sense is foolishness to God because there is nothing ‘common’ about God.” God is not common, he is exceptional and everything he does exceeds expectations. The moment that I step out of the place of commonality is the moment that I step into the supernatural wonders of God through faith! When I asked God, “What do I do?” He said, “Believe.” Simply, believe. What you believe you will see in your life. It will become a reality for you.

He said, “I am putting a picture in the hearts and minds of my people. They are seeing themselves as I see them. Not in the darkness of religion and condemnation, but in the brightness and light of Jesus Christ.” When you look in the mirror, you will see the reflection of Christ. You will see healing. You will see peace. You will see prosperity. You will see glory. You will see forgiveness. You will see Christ in you, when you begin to look at Him. You think you’re not ready. You feel like you have to get all your ducks in row. You feel your weakest. But God says, “…when you are weak, then you are strong.” (2 cor. 12:10) You have been waiting for a moment to feel like you’re ready and the spirit of God is saying, “I have made you ready. Everything you have been going through was the preparation of the spirit for what is coming your way.” You have already won this fight. The battle has been won! The chaos is over! Now is time to rejoice!

Father, I thank you that you have made us ready for our future. You have laid a foundation of faith in our hearts and have taken away the guilt of sin through the blood of Jesus Christ. I thank you that daily I am reminded of your unfailing love and uncompromised truth. You are the truth. You are the way. You are the life. Thank you for the preparation of your spirit. You have made us ready and you are bringing us to the place that you have prepared. “See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared.” Exodus 23:20

A Table for Two

I love date nights with my husband. I like to hold his hands and look into his beautiful dark eyes. I like to remember why I fell in love with him and why I still am. He is an amazing man and I am thankful each day to know him. I remember a time in my life, my close friends, those who knew back when, can testify to this, when the relationship was nothing more than a knowing in my soul. I always loved Daniel. I tried to think of the moment, when I fell in love. Was it something he said or did? Was it the gumball machine ring he proposed to me with? Was it the letters he wrote? I’m not sure. I think it was just him. I knew him without really knowing him. It was more than a feeling but a knowing. Recently, I have been in a familiar pattern of thoughts. Thinking introspectively, trying to figure if the choices I have made were the best for my family. I said to the Lord, “I don’t feel strong enough for this walk. I feel like quitting.” And he said to me, “Religion feels. Relationship knows.” I thought to myself, “Okay, what does that mean.” And the Lord began to speak to my spirit, he said “Rituals make people feel certain ways. Religious practices give people a sense of closeness or oneness with me; but in times of distress they no longer feel that closeness. They begin to fear. Their faith wanes. They lose hope and they forget me. A person, who has a relationship with me knows me, so when conflict arises and they feel distressed it doesn’t change what they know about me. I am still God to them and their knowledge of me keeps them from forgetting who they are in middle of the conflict.” I’m reminded of a movie I saw as a kid, “I’m Gonna get you Sucka” starring Keenan Ivory Wayans. It was urban, it was 80’s and it was poignant. The main character was a military officer who returns home after his brother dies from a Gold Overdose. Anyway, he gets engaged in a warfare with “The Man” who is responsible for his brother’s death. Long story short, there’s a scene when he walks out of a building to a beraid of gunshots, and instead of him recalling to memory his military training, he starts panicking. He runs around screaming, “They shootin’! They shootin’!” I imagine there are times, when we forget our military training, we panic and we start yelling and screaming for help. As I mentioned before, I’ve been thinking a lot about my choices. And I have to say, that all of them, since the day I asked Christ to be my Lord have been about… Him being my Lord. I’m sitting at a table across from the unfailing love of my life. I look into His eyes and I know him. He is mine and I am his and every choice I make is because of him. It doesn’t matter who else there, whether in the room or at the table. This is a table for two. The psalmist David wrote about this theme, in the 23rd Psalm “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil.” As I prayed this morning, this scripture came alive in me. I saw myself, sitting at a table across from my Lord and at this table were seated all of my enemies. My enemies are not people though there are probably people who despise me for reasons they themselves cannot explain. But the enemies that I speak of are ones that I am powerless to destroy outside of the power of God. I speak of a greater enemy, the betrayer of my soul, “Jesus sat at table with a betrayer, Judas. The disciples sat at the table, they broke bread and drank wine. Jesus even washed their feet. They all sat with the betrayer who would sell out Messiah for a few pieces of silver. Imagine, their distress. Their hope had been in the Christ, how could Judas betray him? He can’t suffer the cross. If he dies, all of our hope dies with him. Simon Peter, proclaimed, “Not so Lord.” Death wasn’t a part of the plan. We were going to make him King. He can’t die. I for one, remember when I first started this walk, April 23rd 1996. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I didn’t know it would take this long or take me this route. Yet, there is a constant knowing I have in my soul even when I feel betrayed; not by God, or my husband or my children, but by my circumstance. I told God this morning, you are still the God who answers prayers and works miracles. That has not changed and I refuse to believe that you are God who holds back blessings to teach lessons. That is not my God. This process has not been about me getting to a place of perfection, sinlessness and worthiness. I don’t have enough lifetimes for that. What this walk has been about is me coming to the knowledge of who I am in Christ and knowing that regardless of the crisis, I am known and loved by you. I have become more aware in these months and years of God’s goodness and grace; and it is this knowledge that has produced in me a will to live and not die. There are always going to be betrayers. Debt is a betrayer. Illness is a betrayer. Fear is a betrayer. Rage is a betrayer. And, like Judas, they seek to kill the life in us. But, Christ overcame death. He lives. And he has given us life and everything that we need for this life. Timothy 6:6 says “Godliness with contentment is great gain.” If I am “godly” and have no contentment in it then I have not gained what Christ died for me to have. This is what the process is for. Not to produce in us a worthiness for what it is we want but in understanding that what we need we already have in Christ. We have gained everything in Christ. God is All Sufficient. There is no deficiency in Him. There is nothing I can give him that he hasn’t already given to me. Today the Lord prepared a table for me in the presence of my enemies. I sat down and he said, “I am the bread of Life, whoever eats of me will live forever.” My prayer is a spiritual breaking of bread and drinking of wine. As I prayed, I mediatated in God's word and I remembered why I fell in love with him and why I still love him. It’s because He first loved me. It’s because of his Unfailing Love. I know him and he knows me. I love him today and always because he always is. Always is God. Always is Good. Always is Faithful. Always is Love.

The Psalm of Natrietia

The awesomeness of God I cannot measure, it overflows all around me It would take me a million lifetimes to count back all of the ways He has been good to me His greatness has been poured out over me… His mercy has endured my weakness And his love has buried my darkness His love is strength to my bones His power fills my soul and my eyes well with his compassion His grace over me is like a cloud full of rain To God be glory, honor and praise He has made my life a canvas for display He writes His will on the sleeve of my heart And paints His victories on my face His light shines on me and I am saved from all my fears His beauty is more grand than the finest gold, the purest diamond cannot compare to His majesty His peace is like the wind at my back, He breathes on me and my life is renewed each day He strokes my face with the whispers of His love He touches me in the hidden place of my heart The weight of His goodness is immeasurable He gave me life He humbled me He awakens me to hear His voice calling in the morning He quiets my soul so that I can hear His promises… all of them true. He is my Lord, my God and my King To Him belongs, honor and strength He is my portion, my bread and my wine. He is peace within my soul, His love is at the gate and He surrounds me With favor as with a shield Surely, He has been good to me, I cannot count all of His blessings… He loves me and He has given me his life to live for all eternity. Eternally He … He loves me Eternally me … I love Him Eternally Love Eternally God I see.

Fear Less

Sometimes I tell my hubby that I wish we could move to a village in some far away jungle with native people who make their own clothes and harvest their own food. Sometimes, I want a quiet life on hill with no worldly responsibilities like mortgages, school uniforms, medical insurance, debit cards and gas guzzling vehicles on crowded highways… Sometimes, I want a simple life void of this worlds many distractions, politics and economics. And sometimes, I fear less… We all have fears. We fear failure. We fear success. We fear poverty. We fear death. We fear, but we were not created to. Fear imagines itself greater than it should. It masks itself as responsibility and preparedness. It says, “do this” but it can’t. It says, go to school, get job, get married and find happiness with no self assuredness and no real way of attaining its goal. It says, I’m brave, I’m confident, all the while feeling dread and loneliness. This is fear. It has no power, except what we give it. And that is the real shame. I have learned from the word the Lord that perfect love puts fear out of our hearts. When we have been made perfect in the love of God then we can live fearless lives. I said to the Lord today, “You complete me,” you make every component of my being, my spirit, my mind and my body secure. I do not fear because you, Lord, are my hiding place. I dwell with you and you dwell with me. We are one. The perfect love of God is unfailing, His love does not fail and it is the knowledge of that love that keeps fear in its place. The word teaches us that God has not given us a spirit of fear but of Power, Love and a Good Mind. Instead of the fear of failure, Christ gives us the power to succeed. Instead of the fear of lack, Christ fills us with the spirit of love – the knowledge of God or the “knowing” of God’s nature, to be intimately acquainted with Him enough to “Know” that he will not allow you to lack anything you need. The bible says that if you lack wisdom to ask and he will give it to you liberally without finding fault. Instead of the fear of death or sickness, the Lord promises to give us a good mind, free from the anxieties and stresses of life. Scripture teaches that the weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. Where are the strongholds? In the mind. Conflict is a necessary part of life. It is on the battlefield that we discover the warrior inside of us. It is the place where giants are defeated. It is in the face of fear, that we discover who we really are. Who we really are, is who God created us to be? We were not created to fear, but to worship. You might say, is God that insecure? That He needs people to worship him. Well, no. He doesn’t need our worship. We need our worship because we were created for it. You say, explain. And I will. Your vehicle was created to be driven. It requires a number of things in order to work. One of things necessary is fuel or its alternative, but whatever the science behind the mechanics of a working vehicle, we can agree that fuel is necessary for it to work. You can put sugar in it if you want, but you won’t get very far. And sure, you car will still be a car but it’s potential and or purpose will not be fulfilled without the proper maintenance. And so it is with you and I. The Lord is our creator. He created us in his image and in his likeness. We are not mere flesh and blood, but spirit. And like Him, our spirit is not fulfilled with natural sources of energy, like food and water but with spiritual sources of energy. The source of our energy is Christ. Jesus said, whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood will have life that last forever. Jesus wasn’t a vampire, but a Savior to a dying and lost world. In the context of the scripture, found in John chapter 6, Jesus is having a meal with His disciples and he is teaching them a principle. At the beginning of this same chapter, Jesus performs a miracle of multiplication. He makes a few loaves feed a multitude of people. Later, in the same chapter he walks on water. But to his disciples, he makes a beautiful case. He says, “I am the bread life and whoever comes to me will never hunger and will never thirst,” and then he says, “And the bread that I give is my flesh.” I know this is hard to understand, even his disciples said, “This teaching is too hard. Who can listen to it?” But Jesus replied, “The words I speak to you are spirit and life.” In other words, this word I speak is for your spirit and if you feed your spirit you will live and not die. You can not deprive your spirit of what it needs and expect to live fully…completely. Worship is what you were created to do. It is how you feed your spirit and discover who you really are. Who you really are is not what you see on the outside but who you are inside. It is on the battlefield that we discover who we really are; but the battle is not a fist fight. It is a faith fight. We overcome by the blood of the Lamb, and the word of our testimony. Jesus is the Lamb that was slain for our sins. In the Hebrew culture, there were ceremonies and sacrifices made for the atonement of sin. A lamb was often used as a sacrifice. The priest would pray for the person bringing the offering (lamb) and would pray that God would not look at the person’s sins but rather the sins of that man/woman would be transferred to the animal, who was then killed/sacrificed. The penalty for sin is death. And so, people would make sin offerings to make themselves clean again. Imagine, that. For every sin committed, a sacrifice was needed. But Christ, came to be that sin offering for the entire world… once and for all. He shed his blood and became a living sacrifice for us all to have relationship with the Father. We are no longer accused or guilty because of the blood Jesus shed. He is the Lamb of God. So, we overcome fear, not by hiding, but through confrontation. And we confront fear, with our faith in Christ. It’s a battle that has you already been won. This morning I was reminded of Johnny Cochran, “if the glove don’t fit, you must acquit.” I said, “Lord, you know I was guilty. I was a mess, Lord. But you defended me. Christ was my defense. I should have gotten the death penalty. But because of your goodness. Because of your unfailing love, I received an opportunity. You gave me freedom. You gave me life. You sent your word to me when I was in the prison of my mind and you saved me! And because of your salvation, I am free.” I told the Lord, “I don’t prescribe to the order of this world. I have made life choices that make no sense to the average person. Faith never makes sense to the unbelieving, but that’s okay. I trust you Lord. What should have happened to me hasn’t happened because the glove doesn’t fit. Poverty doesn’t fit me. Guilt doesn’t fit me. Fear doesn’t fit me. Sickness doesn’t fit me. Depression doesn’t fit me…so You must acquit. Case closed. Battle won.” Many of us our in a place in our lives that we don’t want to be in. I don’t want a thankless job. I don’t want to be unemployed. I don’t want to be sick. I don’t want these bills. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want these hard headed kids. I don’t want the IRS. I don’t want this addiction. I don’t want these FEARS. And the Lord, is saying to and I, “So do not fear, for I am with you: do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10 Don’t be afraid …I complete you, says the Lord. I make you whole again. What you lack, I will be the God who makes up the difference. Give me what you have, put it in my hands, and I will multiply my strength in you… I will multiply my joy in you… you will overflow with the love that I have for you. Trust me now, and know that I am the Lord, Unfailing Love, Prince of Peace, Almighty… Your creator. You were not created to be fearful, but fearless.