The Hurt of Relief (It Gets Ugly but it will End Pretty)

I had a conversation with my sister recently and we laughed that we never expected our faith walk to look anything like it has. We remarked that it, the walk, the life, the faith gets ugly. Sometimes there is pain we did not expect to come. Sometimes we cry tears that we did not count on crying as believers. We are faced with all manner of contradictions to the life that we were born to lead. The process of overcoming and believing isn’t very pretty, much like the birthing process we experienced as mothers. We were in our respective delivery rooms. There was no make-up (well, she had on a little---haha). There were no fancy garments; in fact, we had to get naked to give birth. We had to make ourselves vulnerable, expose our weakness and our pains to give birth to our children; and though that process was so very ugly…it got pretty in just a moment.

As John 16:21 so eloquently explains, “A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.”



However long or short the labor, though it is painful and ugly, when what we had been carrying for 40 weeks or so finally pushes its way out, all of the ugliness fades away in the beauty and newness of this life. Relieved of the temporary pain, we marvel at the child, so small and innocent, pure and light. We reckon that there is nothing quite as beautiful and miraculous as this. And our joy feels complete. The reality and complexity of life has always been one of the most demonstrative evidences of God to me. Ecclesiastes 11:5 explains it in this way,

“As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.”

We can explain and give names to things that God created but we, ourselves are incapable of creating anything that is original. If it is language where did sound come from? If it is music where did the material to create the instrument originate? If it is art who created the eye to see it? And if by chance, we were inclined to believe that life began by a spark or by a cell having no body, where then was its origin? Is it not God, the Creator all who has fashioned us all?

I began to think on these things recently, having given birth to a child I carried for well over 15 years or more. At times, I was in pain, embarrassed that my labor had been so long and that I had not given birth. I wanted to be the mom, who goes in and spits the baby out in record time. I carried the baby, The Lady’s Rage, in the womb of my heart and soul for so long that when the labor came, I barely knew it. It was a painful process carrying it, but I wanted the relief of giving birth. I no longer wanted its life inside of me, but outside of me. And so, the day came, The Lady’s Rage was born on April 1, 2013. She was a healthy baby girl, born to deliver a generation, born with purpose and born of God’s spirit. I am reminded of Mary, the mother of Jesus. Her name had meant sorrow but she birthed a deliverer. While others marveled at her son, the Bible recounts her at many stages of Jesus’ life as “keeping all these things and pondering them in her heart.” (Luke 2:19 & 51)

In my heart, there had been many sorrows but God had used them all to bring deliverance. So often we find ourselves pregnant at the wrong time, in the wrong place and if we fear we will abort the child that has been given to us. We will say, “This is not the right time. I can’t be pregnant right now.” But if we allow the Spirit of God to help us through the walk, we can make it even if we waddle, even if our feet get swollen…even if we get ugly in the process…The Lord promises that it will get pretty at the end. Our responsibility is to carry it. To keep it in mind and in our hearts until the day comes.

I know that there are some people today who are feeling the hurt of relief, the pain of their labor; but I want to encourage you today to push through it until your baby comes forth. What God has given you to birth is for you and there is nothing that can stop the baby from coming forth except that you abort it through fear. Don’t allow yourself to be distracted in this moment. God is giving you the faith and the strength to push in your weakest moment and to press into the promises that He has for you. Don’t lose heart. Don’t give up now. Just keep pushing! Your relief is right before you, your joy will be full and you will remember the hurt no more!

Let’s pray, “Father, God, Thank you for your grace on us now. Give us the strength to persist and to push through the pain. Relieve us from our fears and make us willing and strong. Give us the faith to believe you at your word. Impossibilities do not limit your ability. Perform your word in us today according to your will. We believe you and we honor you with our faith today. You are the Lord and there is no other. Our confidence rest in you today and we are moved by your Spirit to declare your goodness and your mercy wherever we go. Let your light shine in our hearts today that others may witness your glorious nature. Thank you, Lord for your coming glory. Thank you, Lord for your favor. Thank you, Lord for restoration all around us. We give you the praise. For yours, is the kingdom and the glory and the honor forever. In Jesus’ name, Amen."

Dream Again, Girls (Dress Rehearsal is Over!)

I revisited a post from 2007 called “Can’t a Girl Dream” and it made me smile. The image resonated in my heart and in my soul of women of all nations, colors and sizes, occupations and gifting, all wrapped up in a blanket of love…such an awesome dream. In fact, just yesterday, my eldest daughter drew a picture of 6 girls (all different colors) holding hands in a field of flowers and butterflies. It struck me, again, what an amazing dream this was and I was immediately inspired, I heard the soft whisper of the Holy Spirit… “Dream Again, Girls.”

Dream again. Every little girl, no matter her race, economic situation, experiences…has had a dream… It’s in our DNA to imagine. The dream may not be the same for each of us, but the capacity to dream is always there. As a child, I probably dreamed more than most, from day to day, week to week, I could be anything, from a princess to a doctor, to an Australian to a unicorn. But, the older I got the more concise the dreams became. I surmised that I was irreproachably gifted to write and this would be my gift to the world. Life became more real than the dream, and I thrust myself willfully into the depths of responsibility claiming to have never dreamt of such childish things. Still, within my heart lingered this desire to write. It was an inescapable part of me. So, I challenged myself at times, to balance, life and family with this innate passion. I struggled to differentiate between my will and God’s will, and where the dream itself fit in. If I didn't write I felt like I was neglecting the gift. Or if I did spend time to write, I felt like I was focusing too much on it and neglecting my immediate responsibilities. Strangely, I was most inspired to write when my life was the most chaotic. I would write about things relevant to my current situation and or things that God spoke to my spirit. I started “The Lady’s Rage” blog spot as an answer to God’s call and my willingness to be unveiled in a culture of pretend and make believe.

Still, my life was similar to a reoccurring dream that I had. In the dream, I was on stage doing a play I had already performed years ago; and I would never rehearse the lines until opening night. Frantically, I would search for the script, unsure if I still knew the lines. I would always feel this pressure of time. Like, man, maybe I don’t remember the lines. Maybe I should have prepared for this. And now, this is opening night and I have 45 minutes to remember this play. In reality, I was confronted with the same insecurities. Have I prepared enough for the real thing? Am I ready for the manifestation of God’s promises? Can handle being in the spotlight when I spent so much time in the shadows? Do I know what I am doing? Back in forth, I would go between complete surrender to God’s unveiling majesty and reticent reluctance to promotion. God said to me, a few weeks ago, “This has been the rehearsal. This time of waiting. This time of anticipation. This time of battle. It’s all been rehearsal.”

Many of us have been in stages of life that have been tumultuous, and difficult. We have received promises from God that have seemingly been unanswered. And while waiting for the manifestation of those promises, we have been met with every opposite reality of victory, joy and peace. Still, our hope remains. I can say with a certainty that I never, ever would have imagined THIS but I have gained such an appreciation for God’s word and for HIS presence in the midst of all of the difficulty, because at the end of the day I have found rest that cannot be taken from me. I have found peace that doesn’t exist because of things I have but rather because of whose I am. I have more today in terms of LIFE Abundant than I have ever had materially. And, I can say that all of the preparations of God through the various situations that have arisen have made me more than able to perform any task, at any time in any situation. I know my lines. I know what to say. I know my marker. I know my timing.

If you know anything about performing on stage, there are three things you must know. #1) Your lines. #2) Your mark. #3) Your timing. The rehearsal that we have been in has been about knowing the word, your righteousness through faith in God and the timing of God (prophetically).

The dream itself, the vision that God has given you is the means through which he is going to put you on stage… but ultimately, it is what you have rehearsed, that will have the most impact on those who are watching you. It is what you have done, in secret that will be on display. I encourage, you child of God, to dream again. Don’t let the passion die in you because of the trials of life. But rather, seek the Father, so that those dreams can live again. In His presence, there is fullness of joy. In His presence, there is everything that you need. Wisdom, joy, inspiration, strength, peace… you name it… wherever He is present, there is an abundance of everything that you need and want.

I pray that you will rediscover the dream that God has given you and that you will allow God to impact your life in such a way that it overflows to next generation. You are not without help, may God fill with his Holy Spirit and guide in His will.