I've seen the movie, Somethings Gotta Give starring Helen Hunt and Jack Nicholson, I think but this is by no means intended to reference the comedy. Perhaps The Somethings, (for my purpose) should read Some Things. I've been vacillating between thoughts lately, whether or not I should be in HOT pursuit of my dreams or just content to rest until the time comes for me to be living the dream. I actually, think that the "my dream" notion is erroneous. Its not really mine. As a believer, I having nothing that is singularly mine. Even my life is not my own. I am not living it for myself. I'm living it for my husband, children, family, friends and a great many of people that I don't know now and perhaps never will. My generations are at stake. And with that I have resolved that, "Some Things Gotta (Have to) Give."
I was reflecting a bit yesterday, and I began to pray about "my" life and where I thought it was going. I felt a bit dismayed. I thought, I have this "thankless" job, boorring with a capital B which takes me away from my family (that I love) for 12 hours a day (9 hours at work, 3 hours commuting). What is it all for? I cried out. Why am I doing this? I was then reminded of God's promise to restore all things. ALL things? Time, energy, opportunity, faith ... All things. Yes, all things. It doesn't matter how much time I've lost or how many opportunities I think have passed me by or even how many tears I've cried. All that matters is that I give attention to what I believe. I believe that I am victorious not because of my own strength but because of God's strength in me. I know that He is all powerful and all sufficient. Because He is sufficient, I am not deficient. The difficult thing is waiting. Resting in the hope that at the end of the day God will prove his faithfulness and awesomeness towards us. I have too often fallen into the category of Christian that believes God up until the point where I can no longer see myself getting out of the mess I'm in. It is when my ability fails me that I have become distraught, fearful of my demise.
But thank God for His grace because when I get to that place and allow the spirit of God to give me rest, opening my eyes to His incredible ability then I can see my way out. I am no longer limited by my mind's perceived means of security but I have this broader perspective that allows me to see beyond. I see myself in the wholeness and comfort that belongs to me. I am fully confident that like the scripture says, that there is "a way of escape for me" and that "whom shall I fear? For the Lord is the Light of my salvation." He is the one who saves me! He is the one who causes me to SEE where I can be saved ...the way to be saved ... the means to the breakthrough.
I've given attention to the details of my most trying hurdles. I don't like failure. I don't like feeling inadequate. I don't like being the butt of society's jokes. The labels: slacker, degenerate, stupid, dummy, loser and flat out "broke" not only ring a bell but they trigger my deepest insecurities. I'm reminded of those old feelings, that surfaced early in life, when I learned to associate success with love. I thought, "My mother will love me if I'm an honor student. My father will love me if I become a doctor. Society will love me if I am talented. God will love me if I'm perfect." I am determined at this stage in life to give up that part of me. The Somethings that I have to give, are my mind, my life, my will and my emotions. My mind is like a warehouse of good and bad things, memories, experiences, thoughts, etcetera. My goal is to have my mind renewed and to filter every thought through the word of God, which is pure and true. Everything that is not pure or true, will be washed away. To properly govern my thoughts. To as scripture says, "To wait patiently for what I do not have," to be "godly with contentment" and to allow "love to be perfect" in me so that I do not fear, because "God has not given me a spirit of fear."
I am decidedly content to pursue Christ, to fall in love with him all over again, everyday because what matters most is that I love.