Life on Purpose

On this 36th anniversary of my birth, I find myself reflective not of my life but of the life of Christ in me. At the start of this year I was very conscience of God's grace and of the intentional love that He manifest in the life of His Son, Jesus Christ; and how greatly this love has changed my life. Not many years ago, I was deeply convinced that I would never see the age of 40, never marry and never have children.  But God, in His Intentional Love, saw through me. He guided me to Himself and gave me LIFE on purpose.  I am encouraged today not because I am celebrated but because I have Life. I have life in me and all around me. I am grateful to my husband and our four children. Their lives give me strength.  Each one of them reflects a facet of God that I only see when I look at them. I am grateful for the purpose that God has given me.  I am, both honored and humbled by His call. My only hope and wish on this day is to continue living the life God has given me with intentional love on purpose. 

I pray for you too. That you would receive the love of God that not only makes life fulfilling but makes it rich as well.  Live life on purpose.  Enjoy every second of it! God has a perfect plan for you.

Finish Well

It took me all day to write this. Though it was on my mind and in my heart, to spend some time alone with the Lord and to write, I found it hard to do. Considering the multiplied concerns that I face, the subject matter, of writing, though dear to my heart, seemed a back burner priority. Nevertheless, I found myself thinking about a conversation I had recently. I was in tears and I said, “God loves them, but doesn’t he love me too?” And my ever faithful husband said, “I know sweetheart, but Jesus could have said the same thing. He could have said, ‘God you love them, but what about me? I’m on this cross but what about me?’” He concluded with, “I just want you to finish well.” The day before, he had encouraged me to love and pray for people that I felt I had done a good service to. And his words to me, greatly grieved me. “Give more?” I thought, “I have nothing left to give.”

Oh, how dreadful those words sound to me now, “What about me?” Here “she” goes again, on her self-pity parade, singing that same old song, “Poor little me, just trying to do what’s right and everything in this terrible world is against me.” I was dreadfully afraid of being condemned in this prison of fear and failure once again. Had I done what I was supposed to? And if not, how much longer must I suffer? How much farther into this dark tunnel must I go? After all, I had been fool enough to say, “Lord, not my will but your will be done. Show me your glory. Reveal yourself through me. Lord, if I lose everything for your namesake and end up living in a car with my husband and my babies then it will be worth it just to know that I have done what you asked.” I had been that fool. And that wrapped up in God’s presence to believe that I really could just lie down and die to my own desires and personal ambitions… just to be that much closer to the love of my eternal soul, Jesus.

Oh, how soothing the promise is in my ears that God’s grace is sufficient. How beautiful the reminder that no matter how pitiful my faith that God remains faithful. I heard, a renowned evangelist, Joseph Prince, say this week, that “God is not anxious” about anything. He’s patient. He’ll take his time. He’ll wait for it, the it in you that he knows is there. Romans 5:5 says, “And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.” His great desire for us is that we would overflow with love. That even in our hardships, we would be so convinced of God’s love, that nothing could defer it. That we would be partakers of the hope that makes us so fearlessly flawless in matters of love. It is this love that never fails to believe.

I was expecting a major breakthrough, a tangible change to occur in my immediate future that has taken longer than expected. I staked my peace on this milestone. And once again, the Lord reminded me that my faith is in Him, not in the resulting occurrences because of my relationship to him. I want to encourage myself and you with these words. There is nothing that you and I are experiencing, no battle we are in that has never been fought before. There is no fear that cannot be overcome by faith. There is no door that God has opened that anyone can shut. You and I were made for this victory. The unfailing love of God resides in us. Don’t pout. Stop crying. Quit complaining. Just finish well. Fearless Nation, Let’s Go!

Wait For It

Waiting? Got patience? Staying power? Ability? Wait for it. Some weeks ago I was inspired to write on the subject of transformation and when I woke up unusually early yesterday morning, I was reminded that I never quite got around to blogging about it. As I considered this, I thought about my own transformation and the whimsical expression of God through those changes. Change is a natural progression of life. We live for it. We wait for what will be. We venture to anticipate the unknown, but often times find ourselves revisiting the past. For what can man predict? What can man really be sure of, other than what God reveals? We think, but we don’t really know anything. We read books and we consider them true on the basis of the opinion or research of the one who finds it. We say “this person is legitimized by their study and therefore their words must be true since I have no knowledge of it.” But education does not make for perfect men and women. Knowledge, according to the Bible, puffs up but love edifies. (See 1 Cor. 8:1) It makes a man or woman, who depends on knowledge, inevitably unkind to those who lack what they have. Knowledge, without love, demeans those who are absent of it. Whether it is creative, self, social, brain or religious knowledge… knowledge though it appears to make one better, only segregates those who have it from those who do not, if not tempered by love.

If my knowledge does not have a vein of love in it, then it is only useful to me and no one else. It builds me up, in my self-awareness. It boasts of my successes and my reigning power; but it does not lend a hand to the needy. And this, failure to love, is the tragedy of men. For what do I have that wasn’t given to me? The breath of life, the bend of my hair, the framework hidden beneath my skin, the heart that beats so violently in my chest pumping blood throughout my body without end. The very ability to know, comprehend and understand was not measured to me on the basis of any knowledge I attained. Life was given to me and every day I have the choice to either live with the knowledge of that gift or to deny the very power at work within me. It may seem an odd consideration but I could not begin to talk about transformation, without addressing the nature of man’s need to know. We seek knowledge under the guise of preparedness, readiness and responsibility. But if our knowledge does not end in love, it is fruitless behavior. The transforming power of God is limited in us, the realm of our influence and the fullness of our innate gifts is never reached.

Several months ago I faced tremendous fear. I could not see my way out of a situation and I was tormented by my disability. I wanted to KNOW what I had done, where I held failed and why I was not getting the results I had anticipated. I had been obedient, faithful, knowledgeable concerning God’s promise and seemingly unrewarded. I saw no worth in my testimony and I pitied myself. I thought, “What a shame? All of these promises from God and I will see none of them. Perhaps, they are for my children and not me. I do not have the strength to believe God concerning this anymore.” But God said to me, “If you have me, you have everything you need. Your value is in Me.” He said to me, “You are awesome. It doesn’t matter where you are or what you are doing. You are awesome. You are the canvas of my heart.” He had taken notice of me and did not pity me. Rather, he esteemed me as awesome. I had misplaced my victorious destiny in the future, when I needed only see my worth in the here and now. In the dreaded place, between belief and transition, I was transformed. I saw a picture of God’s awesomeness, through his love for me. And if I had not waited, but allowed the knowledge of my circumstance to betray me, I would not have seen this transformation as I do now.

Awesomeness is contagious. The awesomeness of God is like a fragrance and a fire. (See 2 Cor. 2:14-15, Zec. 2:5)How awesome are you? Not sure? Wait for it. The promises of God will inevitably manifest in our lives. He does not and will not make a promise to you that he is unwilling to keep. The store of our faith, belief in his word and our prayers overflows generations. No prayer we have prayed will go unanswered. Though it linger. Wait for it. Though you face rejection. Wait for it. Though you suffer. Wait for it. Wait for his strength to be revealed. Wait for His love to be displayed. Wait for the courage to face your fears. Because his promise to you is this,

“For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.” Habakkuk 2:3

The certainty of transformation is realized when our knowledge of God’s promises are met with impossibility. To venture in the boat of faith, one must rely on God as captain, sail, wind and wave. Though we may be thrust and tossed about a sea of impossibilities, our hope remains. That is the staying power of the knowledge of God’s love expressed through his will to give, you and I, life abundant. The uncertainty of life is not in God’s nature but in our own. When we compare his nature to our human nature, we display fear, angst and distrust. Our knowledge of life and death compels us at every turn to self-preserve. When we are met with difficulty, our mind searches for answers; and it wants to know, why this is happening and how can I fix it? But true faith doesn’t consider why or how, because neither answer can foretell the ability of God. Instead, true faith, relies on the knowledge of God’s unfailing love expressed through His son, Jesus Christ, to make dead things live again, impossible situations to turn out good, awesomeness to come to ignoble people. Why? Because He can. Just wait for it.

Love Letter NO 1

Her head hangs low, her eyes do not meet his She appears weak, unstable, uncertain at first And then he extends his hand, forms his words, And says, “My Beloved, you are the apple of my eye. My one true love.” She cries, she lifts her head She says with a quiet whisper… “I love you too.” Truly there is no love like the love of God. If you are single, married and lonely, dating somebody but still longing, let me just tell you … that you are special and dear. Wonderful and beautifully formed… and most of all LOVED! Can you just hear Him, say it through the pages of this screen? I love you ... I love you ... I love you… Not for what you did… or what you do... who you are…or who you’re not… not because of the car you drive... or the bus you ride... not because of the expense of your shoes or the fineness of your hair…not because you got a “man” or lost a good one… not because you’re smart… or cute… but simply because HE LOVES YOU!!!! I was struck with awe over the weekend. I began to just think about how great God’s love is. I began to cry. I said, “Lord, your LOVE means everything to me.” I remember when I first came to know Jesus. All that mattered to me was that He loved me. I would cry and cry because I couldn’t believe that someone so great and awesome could love me so completely. I had never experienced a love so tangible yet so super natural. I can’t help it. Sometimes I have to remind myself; and go to that place in my mind and suffer the pain of remembering what it was like to not know that I was loved by God, and by doing so I learn to appreciate His love all the more. Too often we are in hot pursuit of a happiness that looks the part but empty of the joy only the Lord can give. We seek out the fulfillment of promises and dreams yet forget the most important thing of all… The love of God... Not just my love for him, which becomes limited when my thinking is focused on what I think I can do for him. Truth is, I have done nothing for God that he didn’t first do for me. And so a trail of humility begins to flood the teary eye, and I with gladness I receive His LOVE for me. His love is deeper than a caress and sweeter than a kiss. His love touches you on the inside. His love fills you with life. His love fastens you. His love makes you bold. His love heals you. His love gives you strength. His love is the best thing that has ever happened to you and to me. There is no love like his. So on this Valentine’s day, I want everybody to know somebody loves you… and His name is Jesus… Jesus… Jesus, there is something about that name…. Hallelujah. In his Love.

A Table for Two

I love date nights with my husband. I like to hold his hands and look into his beautiful dark eyes. I like to remember why I fell in love with him and why I still am. He is an amazing man and I am thankful each day to know him. I remember a time in my life, my close friends, those who knew back when, can testify to this, when the relationship was nothing more than a knowing in my soul. I always loved Daniel. I tried to think of the moment, when I fell in love. Was it something he said or did? Was it the gumball machine ring he proposed to me with? Was it the letters he wrote? I’m not sure. I think it was just him. I knew him without really knowing him. It was more than a feeling but a knowing. Recently, I have been in a familiar pattern of thoughts. Thinking introspectively, trying to figure if the choices I have made were the best for my family. I said to the Lord, “I don’t feel strong enough for this walk. I feel like quitting.” And he said to me, “Religion feels. Relationship knows.” I thought to myself, “Okay, what does that mean.” And the Lord began to speak to my spirit, he said “Rituals make people feel certain ways. Religious practices give people a sense of closeness or oneness with me; but in times of distress they no longer feel that closeness. They begin to fear. Their faith wanes. They lose hope and they forget me. A person, who has a relationship with me knows me, so when conflict arises and they feel distressed it doesn’t change what they know about me. I am still God to them and their knowledge of me keeps them from forgetting who they are in middle of the conflict.” I’m reminded of a movie I saw as a kid, “I’m Gonna get you Sucka” starring Keenan Ivory Wayans. It was urban, it was 80’s and it was poignant. The main character was a military officer who returns home after his brother dies from a Gold Overdose. Anyway, he gets engaged in a warfare with “The Man” who is responsible for his brother’s death. Long story short, there’s a scene when he walks out of a building to a beraid of gunshots, and instead of him recalling to memory his military training, he starts panicking. He runs around screaming, “They shootin’! They shootin’!” I imagine there are times, when we forget our military training, we panic and we start yelling and screaming for help. As I mentioned before, I’ve been thinking a lot about my choices. And I have to say, that all of them, since the day I asked Christ to be my Lord have been about… Him being my Lord. I’m sitting at a table across from the unfailing love of my life. I look into His eyes and I know him. He is mine and I am his and every choice I make is because of him. It doesn’t matter who else there, whether in the room or at the table. This is a table for two. The psalmist David wrote about this theme, in the 23rd Psalm “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil.” As I prayed this morning, this scripture came alive in me. I saw myself, sitting at a table across from my Lord and at this table were seated all of my enemies. My enemies are not people though there are probably people who despise me for reasons they themselves cannot explain. But the enemies that I speak of are ones that I am powerless to destroy outside of the power of God. I speak of a greater enemy, the betrayer of my soul, “Jesus sat at table with a betrayer, Judas. The disciples sat at the table, they broke bread and drank wine. Jesus even washed their feet. They all sat with the betrayer who would sell out Messiah for a few pieces of silver. Imagine, their distress. Their hope had been in the Christ, how could Judas betray him? He can’t suffer the cross. If he dies, all of our hope dies with him. Simon Peter, proclaimed, “Not so Lord.” Death wasn’t a part of the plan. We were going to make him King. He can’t die. I for one, remember when I first started this walk, April 23rd 1996. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I didn’t know it would take this long or take me this route. Yet, there is a constant knowing I have in my soul even when I feel betrayed; not by God, or my husband or my children, but by my circumstance. I told God this morning, you are still the God who answers prayers and works miracles. That has not changed and I refuse to believe that you are God who holds back blessings to teach lessons. That is not my God. This process has not been about me getting to a place of perfection, sinlessness and worthiness. I don’t have enough lifetimes for that. What this walk has been about is me coming to the knowledge of who I am in Christ and knowing that regardless of the crisis, I am known and loved by you. I have become more aware in these months and years of God’s goodness and grace; and it is this knowledge that has produced in me a will to live and not die. There are always going to be betrayers. Debt is a betrayer. Illness is a betrayer. Fear is a betrayer. Rage is a betrayer. And, like Judas, they seek to kill the life in us. But, Christ overcame death. He lives. And he has given us life and everything that we need for this life. Timothy 6:6 says “Godliness with contentment is great gain.” If I am “godly” and have no contentment in it then I have not gained what Christ died for me to have. This is what the process is for. Not to produce in us a worthiness for what it is we want but in understanding that what we need we already have in Christ. We have gained everything in Christ. God is All Sufficient. There is no deficiency in Him. There is nothing I can give him that he hasn’t already given to me. Today the Lord prepared a table for me in the presence of my enemies. I sat down and he said, “I am the bread of Life, whoever eats of me will live forever.” My prayer is a spiritual breaking of bread and drinking of wine. As I prayed, I mediatated in God's word and I remembered why I fell in love with him and why I still love him. It’s because He first loved me. It’s because of his Unfailing Love. I know him and he knows me. I love him today and always because he always is. Always is God. Always is Good. Always is Faithful. Always is Love.