An Ignoble Confession (Cont. from Love is a Lion)

So, I was a blundering idiot on my last post. (Smile.) I couldn't quite get what I was trying to say out. I have this terrible feeling inside that I have been going about things the wrong way. Somehow along the way, I lost sight of what really matters. For me the loss of compassion & love is worse than death. I have always esteemed myself as being pretty balanced and kind and incredibly sincere. Toot, toot. But I realized something while going through that trial ... when I uttered those shameful words, "I can't do this anymore." I realized that I was selfish. That I had become a "me" person. What about ME? What about MY feelings? What about MY dreams? What about what "I" want? Poor wittle me was my anthem and rage. I wanted MY esteem. MY own will and MY own set of do's and do not's. I wanted ME to be happy doing want I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it and how I wanted it done. Reminds me of a little song I used to sing, "Me, myself and I are quite a trio. Me, myself and I are good amigos!" I have visited MEland and it gets pretty lonely. In my sheltered little hut and my me-so-sad-and-alone blues song, I realized this humbling "truth", I'm perishing if I do nothing ... I'm dead if all I care about is myself. I'm dead. I might as well bury my head in the sand and take my last breath. Forget about whatever dreams I have ... They mean nothing if they help no one. If I'm not helping than what the heck am I doing.
I've been thinking about life's purpose. Certainly, it can't be about cars and houses and places to see. Those things are nice, but heck there are too many cars on the road, houses that aren't homes and places all over the world devoid of peace. So I took a step further and I thought about Christ. Like, what did he die for? What was the purpose for his existence. Let us just imagine for a moment that he wasn't "messiah". That he was just some ordinary guy , with ordinary problems and ordinary ways. Would the world have changed because of him? Perhaps, then with a little compassion we might weep at his death, whether he was raised from the dead or not, here was a man, that most people agree was an agreeable guy, who was martyred by his peers. Could we then feel sorry for the guy, shed a tear maybe? On the flip side, if we acknowledge the person of Christ, who dies for the sins of the world, we have to address an ignoble series of questions ... Are we perishing? Are we avoiding the most obvious questions in life because a small part of us knows that we are all guilty and we like most are trying to ignore the elephant in the room? There is a commonality that we all have, that goes beyond race, color, creed, pedigree, sex and religion ... ALL have sinned ... ALL have fallen short ... we easily, almost, matter of factly mutter, "Nobody's perfect" to ourselves and counterparts. But then we never acknowledge our human desire for perfection. Our longing for godlikeness is obvious, we deify our intellect, our philosophy, our pop stars, our luxury cars, our bodies, our countries, our politics, our opinions, our Jimmy Choos, our SUVs, our Green earth, our art .. and we say , "This is perfection. This is greatness. This is noble. This is without fault. And god damn anyone who thinks otherwise." I am growing tired of this grossly sensational world we live in ... I have had my senses overloaded with images that condone everything from greed to sexism. And I'm just tired of it all. So much so that I sometimes which I could just disappear to an island all by MYself ...and then I realize this too is pride. Am I perfect? I'm I without fault? OH, if only the world could get its self together, because "toot-toot" I have myself together. Yes, I am a work in progress. I'm striving ya'll ... to LOVE so much more.

Love is a Lion

Today is my daughter's 5th birthday. I remember the day that she was born. Her sweet presence was so fragrant and magnificent. Until this day, she continues to fragrance our lives with her love. Her name which means "Lioness of God, " is why I decided to title this entry, "Love is a Lion." I am very excited for her, who she is now and who she will be not many years from now. I am truly blessed. But there is a story behind the joy. There is a principle behind the peace. There is one thing that I have to laud above all the pre-packaged gifts, confetti, bells and whistles that go along with the celebration. You see, I am excited and prepared to celebrate and greet my baby with the biggest kiss and hug when I see her after work today. My eyes fill with water as I think of the precious gift she is. She is a reminder to me of God’s awesomeness and ability. Nothing truly matters more than love.
I would really like to take this time now to explain why I am so emotionally scattered. Let me take a moment to collect all of the random thoughts floating through my brain. Inhaling … Breathing out ... Okay. Over the weekend I said something to my husband that I never thought I had the ignorance to speak. Scripture says that, “Even a fool is considered wise when he keeps quiet.”
So, I opened my mouth and I said, “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
And he said to me, “Okay, you need to be clear about what you are saying to me. Because if you are saying you don’t want to do this anymore, you are saying that you quit. You quit me. You quit our children.” Etcetera, etcetera. I wasn’t trying to hurt him. I just felt like I could no longer walk with him.
“I love you,” I said but “I just can’t do this anymore.”
“Don’t say you love me, he said, “because if you say you love me than you can’t say you can’t do this anymore in the same sentence.”
I wanted to share this because I think that most people have this idea in mind that a perfect marriage has no complications. That a perfect commitment is without challenges. And this, my friends, is simply untrue. If someone were to ask me what makes a good marriage. I would have to take my cues from the word of God, LOVE. Love is the key. Many of us are struck with images of hearts and chocolate covered strawberries, a glass of wine, a warm fireplace, tender kisses and lavish adventures with a charming person holding your hand as you walk a white sand beach. Many would be troubled if the image of love looked like passionate arguments, hot dogs and ramen noodles but sometimes love looks like a place that is completely devoid of comfort. That is what commitment is. It’s not being committed under pristine conditions. Love is commitment. Love never fails to believe. Love hopes against all hope. When hope is lost, love says, “I believe”.
To be continued …

Change is Come!

Change is come!
There is a shift and our lives are dramatically changing because the Lord has set a time for us.
There is a word that that He seeded in us … that is ripe for bearing fruit. And that fruit is both spiritual and natural. Anointing, power, favor, love and satisfaction. The Lord is giving opportunity, ability, favor and provision. We have all that we need, nothing is missing or broken. The blessing is not cut short or defaulting. The covenant is at work. The word is working for us. The Lord has given wisdom. His grace is on us. We have what is needed ad we are operating in the Spirit of Christ. We see our efforts, faith, ability, provision multiplied.
Isaiah 60:1-3
“Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and His glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light and kings to the brightness of your dawn.”

Change (To be continued)

Granted it has been quite some time since I last published a post. Longer than I anticipated ... It was an unexpected, completely unforeseeable pause in the plan. But I'm back. This has been a very interesting first quarter. I will be turning 30 years old this month. And obviously this a pivotal age for me. But more noteworthy, is this sense that I feel of something big. Huge, in fact, is about to occur in my life. Some monumental change ... I don't know if its the election, the climate, the economy, fuel prices or what ...but I feel like this culture is crying out for change and I feel "it" breathing down my neck. When I wake up most mornings, I'm tired and don't really feel like going to work; but then I feel this expectancy of "something" just around the corner. And my eyes just kind of pop open anxious to see what might be. I've been in this place before in my life, around the time my husband and I began dating. I had prayed & hoped for so long concerning him & then one day out of the blue, there he was, and there we were and unashamedly so. I wasn't ashamed of the newness of the relationship, or my inexperience. I was just happy and excited to be engaged in something with someone that I knew was apart of a bigger picture. I had this sense that the marking of our lives was a part of a system changing. A system of doing things alone. A system of being alienated. I believed that we had formed something and that are union was a flicker of a greater destiny. I am reminded of something the Father shared with me some months ago. He opened my eyes to the scripture and I began to see the virtuous wife depicted in Proverbs as a model of the church. And so when I speak of a system changing it is in direct relationship to where I am right now in my walk, my husband and I. It's almost as if what I saw my future being, some 10 years ago, is my right now. My present situation has been marked, highlighted if you will, to indicate that I have arrived at a place in my walk , where its time for me to live in, settle in and make a home. a Literal, resting point. I believe that I am hearing the Lord right now, and so I am just flowing with Him as I write. Change is eminent.

Still ...

"And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream. I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."
- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., August 28, 1963

I believe in this wonderful dream. I believe there is something very significant about this small section of this amazing speech. The words are so inspiring and just a glimpse of what America should be. In a world full of decay, hate, rage, prejudice and injustices all around, its nice to get an image of something better for us ... not just in heaven but a little heaven on earth. So nice ...

I thought I'd incorporate my word of the day into this post:

kith /KITH/ noun :familiar friends, neighbor or relative.

I count it a blessing to call a wide variety of people my kith and kin, from the darkest to the lightest in hue, my friends are those who stand with me in adversity.

Thank you friends!